For the last few years I've been praying about something. I'm sure many of you have as well, but this particular thing has occupied my prayers for several years. I've been praying about it in the same way for pretty much the entire time, asking for guidance and direction in relation to the thing. During that time the urge to do that thing has grown. One could say its developed into something close to a permanent longing, something that left me unsettled because I'm not doing it and I've never really known why.

A recent conversation with a very good friend left me feeling challenged. He asked me a question and laughed at my response because it's been the same response I've given him for the last few years.

My response of course was to question why he was laughing at me, I guess feeling like he wasn't taking me serious. His response was one which caught me off guard. Instead of answering why he was laughing, he simply asked me how I had been praying about this thing. I told him and after a moments pause he responded with a challenge. Why don't you pray about it in a different way?

He commented how that as I have been praying for guidance this thing had grown in to a passion and longing, that is to say something more than momentary desire, then maybe I'd had that guidance and it was time to challenge it.

So for the last month I've been praying more earnestly and in a different manner. Instead of requesting guidance about the thing, I've been praying: Lord, I think you want me to do this, please show me if I'm wrong.
The results have been breath taking, surprising and exciting all at once. A change of events has begun that, I believe, God is using to lead me into doing this thing I've been praying about for the last few years. I'm a little apprehensive, but the over riding feeling is one of excitement. This post is not an announcement, yet, but maybe more of a watch this space…

I work as a graphic designer. Like many other folks in my profession I find it hard to turn off. I may not be thinking about projects from work all the time, but I'm always thinking about projects I'd like to do or reviewing the things I see all around me. I see every piece of design and mentally critic it, 99% of the time I'm not even aware I'm doing it, but it's there, almost like a 6th sense wondering what questions the designer faced.

I've lost count of the number of times I've sat in a restaurant looking at the menu only to realise I'm not looking at what's on offer but the way it's been typeset. What font did they use? What does it make me think of the restaurant? Does it make the food I'm reading about sound even tastier or does it make me think I'll be left wanting more? Does the menu fit the surroundings or does it just feel like a designer somewhere threw it together because he didn't get a proper brief?

It's a pretty constant state of affairs. Right now I'm glancing at the empty can of San Miguel thats sitting on the dining table. Does it look like the taste? Does it make me want to lie on a hot beach in Spain? What the heck has a ship got to do with beer? Why did the designer pick gold as the main can colour and break away from the green and white that used to be there?

I can't turn it off, and many a time I've amused good friends as I verbalise my critique.

Unfortunately relaxing is made all the more harder by it. I read to do my relaxing, mostly the blogs of a select few but they're people who I've come to trust. I trust that the links they post are to interesting content, articles that can lead me on a chase around the internet looking at websites, new websites. Websites that start the inner critic on it's familiar chain of questions. Questions that lead me to find another way of reading.

Books.

Mostly made of paper that smell of ink and aren't displayed on a screen. However, in this age of constant stream of information that feeds a thirst for knowledge, growth and understanding, I find I need a book that doesn't make me think too much. There's no point going to bed to read only to lie in bed for hours thinking about the chapter I just read and the challenges or knowledge it imparts. I need a good story. Something that will make me keep turning the pages, compelling me to read. So it is with great joy in the last year or so that I've discovered an author I enjoy, one that draws me to read rather than watch inane tv shows.

It's not the novels that I write this about though, it's the impact they have on me. As well as helping me relax, they force me to use my imagination. When reading about the unravelling story I'm forced to imagine the scene, what people look like and where they are. I'm forced to stop asking the questions I ask all day long as I review and work on the various projects I have on the go. That time away from questioning and evaluating can only have one impact as far as I'm concerned, that is, to make my work better. Having time to just imagine frees me from the constraints that are so often put in place when working. They may be imposed on me by the projects, or by the presssures I put on my self, but the more I read and use my imagination in a completely unattached manner. The more creative I feel, the more my imagination is fed the more easily I find work.

In a time when the people around me seem to read more than they ever did, I seem to be the only person among my friends who reads novels. I'd like to encourage you to start. Take a short story and read it. Start small and find something that feeds your imagination, a story which gives it new life and see what impact it has on your work.

It's that time once again when many people are posting reviews of the year just passed. I always enjoy reading these posts, seeing the people I follow who have achieved all that or more than they hoped to whilst hoping those who didn't are able to in the coming year. I'm always drawn to writing something myself, and whilst my last year contains many highlights – my trip to Israel, a summer in North Wales and a deepening of friendships that have become increasingly valuable – I always feel somewhat hesitant to “review my year”.

I think the heart of that hesitancy lies solely in my feeling of a lack of accomplishment. I never feel I've achieved anything worth writing about or highlighting. I call it the curse of the Internet. It's so easy to spend time looking and comparing what I've done to all the people who have achieved a great deal, all the people who've had the guts to sit down work hard and put themselves out there. I'm always left reeling at, what feels like, my complete lack of gumption.

I am learning though. Learning to not let that fear of failure or fear of no one noticing be the reason to stop myself from doing the things I want to. Thats why I'm writing this post, to set out three small targets to try and set me on my way this year. I think they are all achievable and am hoping they will set me on my way to accomplish something this year.

In the last year I've put weight on. Some people will argue that I needed to, I've always been a bit skinny, but in the last year I've put on a little too much. I weighed myself over the Christmas holidays and well the number at the start was too high. My first mission is to lose a stone in weight by exercising more regularly and cutting out those little treats which have snuck into my diet.

The past couple of years has seen my blog fall in to decline, significantly. I've always enjoyed writing for my blog, but the past couple of years has seen a lot of things change in my life and it didn't feel right to be writing about them here. Nor did it seem right to continue writing about things which on reflection are quite trivial when compared to the loss of loved ones. But time is moving on, and I feel that it is time to pick up my pen once again and begin writing for my blog with more regularity. I realise I've said this before, and it's gotten past January, February and into March before I've really realised I've not done anything I'd hoped to, so I've given myself a number to aim for. I'm going to try to write four posts a month. Not four link posts, but four article posts, although I hesitate to call them articles. There'll be no word count, just original content, content I create because I want to and enjoy it.

The third thing I want to do is a little more open ended and probably something that everyone hopes to do. I'd like to use my time to greater effect.

I've always been a night owl, I like staying up late, the quiet cosiness of being up late with a small light on and my book, sketch book or Mac for company feels great. The problem is when you have a nine to five job that kind of behaviour is not really helpful. Hitting the sack in the early hours of the morning and then rising only a few hours later to go to work is a recipe for disaster. Burning the candle at both ends only really has one destination for me, running myself in to the ground and an onslaught of mouth ulcers. So in order to combat this tendency to waste my time, I'm resolving to give my self a bed time and get up earlier. My aim is to be up at six each morning in order to do a half hour of exercises, then spend time reading my bible, praying and whatever is left can be spent writing.

Re-reading that last paragraph makes it feel like a pretty big task, but I think knuckling down and doing it will help me to achieve the other two points. More than that though, having a set time to sit and read my bible without distraction will be the biggest benefit of all.

I've always admired those who are able to get up early and spend some time each morning to do this. While I'm away in North Wales for two weeks every year, I spend time leading a children's holiday club. When I'm there, life is so different to my everyday life that I'm able to easily get up early and spend time each morning reading from the word. I've become acutely aware in the last few weeks that it's all down to a matter of attitude. I'm so aware of how important it is in those two weeks to devote my time in such a manner, that it's time to change my attitude and devote that time every morning rather than in the evenings when I find it harder to concentrate and often run out of time. It's something that I enjoy, but often feel a need to do out of duty, yet, when I set time aside I've seen the benefits in my life and my relationship with Jesus. I want to do it more and so this attempt to change my sleeping patterns is motivated by that desire.

And so with that, please join me in raising my hot blackcurrent to 2012 and all it has in stall!

These days, I'm sure like many, my primary source of reading material is via the internet, or more specifically my feed reader. There's a lot of great content out on the web and filtering out the cruft to get to it can be a bit of a mission. We are bombarded with information clamouring for our attention the moment we open our web browser, so finding a way of weeding out the crap to reveal the good stuff is imperative.

The trouble is once you've found a few choice blogs which provide you with quality and fairly regular content, doors are opened. Opened to a world of inspiration. Inspiration to create for yourself, be it design, writing or whatever floats your boat. This in itself is fantastic. The more good stuff out there the more everyone benefits and the more people are inspired to go out and create. Let's face it at the heart of everything that's created there's an inspiration that's been harnessed to produce something unique.

On the other side of this there's a negative. Once you're up and running creating content that you are pleased with, the distractions appear. There's traffic stats, how many people are visiting? How many people are staying? How many people like what you've done enough to subscribe and be notified when you create more? Then there are the comparisons. How come they get more than me? What's so different about their writing than mine? Why can't I execute my designs like that? It has an impact. It stops you creating, you lose your focus and the things you do create don't bring the enjoyment they used to. Creating becomes a chore as you try to find the break through that will bring you the traffic, or is it the recognition, of the people you look up to?

It's a nasty spiral and something we all go through. For whatever reason, it seems to be human nature to compare what you create to those around you. It starts early in school. There's the competition with grades, that feeling you've put your heart and soul into something yet you only get a B but your mate gets an A and did it all the night before. Every time you go home your parents remind you, there's no proof they did it the night before. Chances are they worked on it just as much as you did, if not more, and therein lies the reason for their higher grades.
Similarly the same applies to the blogs and designers you come across on the internet. They've worked at it, and they've worked damn hard. It doesn't just come over night, for some it comes quicker than others, but every time it's deserved.

The trick is to make it enjoyable. Find that thing that makes you smile. That gives you the satisfied feeling up on pressing publish which can only come when you've worked at something. Remove those barriers, get rid of the nagging questions. Push them aside and concentrate on making what you create the best it can be. When you have those crises of confidence. Take a step back, review the situation, look at what you've done in the past that has satisfied you and know that you can do it.

Most importantly check your motivation. If you're creating to try and satisfy others what you create won't be the best it can. You can't satisfy others because you don't know exactly what their requirements and needs are. You only know what will satisfy you, and you'll only know it when it's been achieved.

So what satisfies me?

Knowing that I've done my best to bring to glory to God in all I do. As a Christian my priority is my relationship with Jesus. I try and begin each day with spending some time with my Lord, reading His word, listening and speaking with Him.

I go to work in the knowledge that I'm not going alone. That He is with me, my source of inspiration, my motivation. I try to work in a way that demonstrates this to my colleagues through my behaviours and the way I approach my work. All in the hope that they will see something different with in me.

So what's the reason for this post?

It's somewhat of a reminder. That if that's the way I approach my work, why is it that the figures in my Mint installation matter so much? They shouldn't. The reason I like to create is the same as the reason I apply myself to my work in the manner I do. I want to use my gifts to bring glory to Him. I want to create quality content, not because it might increase the numbers, but because I want people to see that I've something in my life that matters far more. Something that drives me to do that best I can in everything I do, not just in certain areas of my life, but in everything.

Nothing quite like coffee in a Starbucks mug. It’s best if the coffee in it is from Starbucks, but I like drinking coffee at my desk with my Feed Reader as my reading material. Lucie’s parents got me a Starbucks gitfcard for Christmas as well, I’m sensing a trend here! A good one though, it means I have more of an excuse to go to Starbucks and just to generally drink nice coffee!

I’m a bit late to the party, but I wanted to wish everyone a Happy New Year!

Just for fun I shall be taking part in Micheal Heillemans idea. I will take a photo of myself with however I am with every 3 hours. Will be interesting to see how everyone celebrates NYE.

This is a very weird sensation. I am just watching the 3rd Place Playoff in the world cup and, I think, for the first time ever I want German to win. Mainly because I don’t want the Portugese and Ronaldo to win. All the same its weird.

Ok, so I’m bored. I resorted to googling my name, Phil Bowell, and guess what?? This website is the first and second links to come up!! Woo!!!!

I’ve just discovered some of my friends have got blogs!! Well actually one of them. She goes by the names of Names!! I alos at somepoint have to work out how to up-grade my wordpress installation as there is a new version out with some securtiy fixes in it.